I had quite the ah-ha moment driving home from work this evening. The car that I am driving has both a CD player AND a cassette player, and I'm excited to finally be able to catch up on some reading (books on tape count, right?) during my commute time.
I'm currently listening to Grace Eventually by Anne Lamott - a left-wing, outspoken, witty christian author - just my kind of drive-time entertainment. The chapter that contained my ah-ha moment was in regards to a sunday school class that she taught to a group of pre-school boys. The topic of the class was the wailing wall. She showed the boys pictures of the wall and told them how people write prayers to God and place them in the wall as a gesture of trust in God. She wondered how she would teach these young children about 'letting go' and releasing things to God's care. So, she stood in front of them and held out her hands. In each hand was a marker pen. She then told them that she wanted a drink of water, but that she was unable to reach out for the cup because of what she was holding on to. It was common sense to the children that she had to let go of what she was holding on to so that she could take a drink, but she asked the children 'why should I let go?". "Because you are thirsty" they replied.

That was my ah-ha moment. What am I thirsty for, and what am I holding onto that is preventing me from getting what I want or need. Maybe I want to continue holding on, more than I want X (fill in the blank). Maybe its too risky, so I reach out for that glass of water, struggling with my hands full of 'stuff' and then wonder why it feels painful, or seem suprised when the glass crashes to the ground, often followed by whatever else was in my arms.

Maybe like the wailing wall, I need to write a thousand little notes and prayers and hand them over - let go of all the stuff that I carry around like a homeless bag lady. Maybe someone needs to come in and prise them out of my vice-like grip!

My question then remains...what do I want, and want do I have to let go of, to get it.